How Do You Do It?

 

how do you keep the love alive
Q: “You have been with the same guy for almost ten years?! How do you keep the love alive? How do you do it?”

A: There is no single answer. But when the coffee was already hot and made for me this morning and when I stumbled into the kitchen (incidentally headed directly to the coffee pot), I came across a love note, I knew some of the answer. And without getting too personal (helloooo mom and dad), I’ll tell you some things I do know.WEDDING 1The past several years haven’t been all love notes and ready-made coffee. There are pretty consistent disagreements and pretty constant suppression of issues that you “don’t want to talk about and make a big deal of.” But here’s the thing I’ve learned. What’s the key for us? Talking is the best thing we can possibly do.photo-3

Questioning what you’ve got going on? Let’s see…Can you communicate freely and without judgement? Can you be honest without fear of losing them or hurting them? Can you speak highly of them at all times? Can you always come up with great things about them? Does he make coffee for you before he leaves for work? Just me? Guess I’m a lucky lady.db3

Funny enough, David said to me the other day. We should eat dinner at the table instead of the in front of the TV. So we can talk more. And my response, “But we just walked the dog together for an hour. And we do this almost everyday. I don’t have anything else to talk to you about. ” But then a day or so later, we were out to eat and I said, “tell me something I don’t know about you”. And David told me a high school story. And it spawned this totally weird and funny conversation about high school and I just thought to myself, “I guess we always have something to talk about”.db4So what else is important about talking? You learn the things that are important to the other person, no matter how little and insignificant they may be to you. You learn what makes the other person happy, even if it is something that wouldn’t even make you lift an eyebrow. You learn the little things that annoy the other person, that you could tolerate forever. You learn the ins and outs of this other person that you’re involved with. They’ll do things you hate and a lot of those things won’t change. (And guess what, you’ll do things they hate too).  But they’ll do more things you love, and that’s what matters. db2So how do we do it? We talk to each other, a lot. About a lot. Significant or not. We also share goals in life and want the best for each other. We try really hard not to assign “life roles” to each other, but instead work with what we’re given.  We constantly evolve with each other, since well, we’re both constantly evolving.  We give each other needed space (ladies nights and dude fests).  We have fun together. We challenge each other. We laugh at and with each other. And we keep forcing ourselves to do new things.

Nope it’s not my anniversary or Valentines day. It’s just a day when I thought I could share some of the weekend thoughts after I came across a love note and coffee. Hey people…it’s the little things. Remember to enjoy those little moments…

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9 thoughts on “How Do You Do It?

  1. Thank you for today’s blog. It was refreshing and gave me something to think about.
    You and David are blessed to have found each other.

  2. Beano — it’s been forever. I stumbled across your blog somewhere on ye olde Facebook, and just wanted to let you know how wonderful and REAL this post was. It was so incredibly refreshing; I am in a relatively young long-term relationship (1.5 years, but I don’t see it going away any time soon), and this exact topic is something I’ve been struggling with a lot lately. Finding your thoughts couldn’t have come at a better time.

    Thank you, sweet, beautiful Beano!

    • Man, Sara! Thanks so much for the kind words. I’m glad you stumbled across it, make sure you “like” it on Facebook and all that good stuff! You’re in a really exciting time right now with that relationship, I hope that it becomes what you need it to be!

      Thanks for reading!

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